i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
