I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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