Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
