Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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