can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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