I got chris browned last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
