i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
