Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
