eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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