My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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