you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
