FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
