Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
