i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
