He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize