its not stalking. its research.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
