Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
