Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
