Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
