dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
