That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
