Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
