Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
