I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
