I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
