I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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