It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
