His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
