Non-Jews are for practice
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
