We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
