Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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