Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did not marry a roomba.
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