Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
