I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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