I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
