U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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