Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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