So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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