he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
where are my eyebrows?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
