Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
