Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
