So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
