just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
