you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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