She is in my trunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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