Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
