i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am available for nakedness
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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