I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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