I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
