oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
