I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont even know how to be here
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
