glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
