my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Enjoy the penises
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
