One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
