Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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