the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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