Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
