She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
