Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
