I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
