She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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