Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
