i permit you to call me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
