If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize