i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
