i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
