i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
