Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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