i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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