who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
