do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
