i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
