So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
