i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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