thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
