also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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