Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize