I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
